By Stephanie Lewis
Have you heard? Some classic books have been renamed. Here are some “Newish Jewish” titles that make the bestseller list for both adults and children. As expected, food is a popular subject for starving authors.
- Kvetcher and the Rye (Catcher in the Rye) The tale of a grumpy man sending back his corned beef sandwich in a deli.
- Withering Bites (Wuthering Heights) The portions in the above deli are shrinking!
- Les Mashugunables (Les Miserables) Everybody drives the hostess crazy over where to sit in the deli.
- The Legend of Sleepy Swallow (Legend of Sleepy Hollow) A rumored fable about a Jew who was once too tired to eat.
- The Nudges of Madison County (The Bridges of Madison County) A small town where children never stop begging parents for smartphones.
- Bread Badge of Encourage (Red Badge of Courage) Awards for wives who finally bake their own challah.
- Fifty Shades of Oy Vey (50 Shades of Grey) Forget about giving consent for whips, screams, and cuffs. This sequel is giving Yenta whipped-cream puffs.
- All Of Her Lists! (Oliver Twist) Will Irving ever finish his wife’s lengthy Honey-Do’s?
- Calm Lawyer (Tom Sawyer) A well-mannered attorney sues a famous bicycle manufacturer for faulty handlebars.
- Schmuck Schwinn (Huck Finn) The defendant for the 10-speed bikes triumphs in court.
- Green Eggs & Brisket (Green Eggs & Ham) Dr. Seuss finally goes kosher.
- The Poky Little Bubbe (The Poky Little Puppy) Grandma lingers in the bathroom.
- Goodnight Prune…danish (Goodnight Moon!) Zayde starts his diet, but after breakfast.
- The Runaway Money (The Runaway Bunny) After his Bar Mitzvah, Brandon never sees one nickel of his gift money.
- Are You My Smother? (Are You My Mother?) Children search for a parental figure that’s not a helicopter mom.
- If a Mensch Gives You a Hamantaschen (If You Give a Mouse a Cookie) Is he going to want a tax deduction?
- Are You There God? It’s Me, Mordecai (Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret) Both Margaret and Mordecai pray to The Almighty that their grandchildren should visit them.
18.Tallis In Clutterland (Alice In Wonderland) No wonder this family is constantly late for Synagogue.
- Ramona The Klutz (Ramona the Pest) Henry Huggins is not going to marry a ballerina.
- Willy Chanukah & the Chocolate Gelt Factory (Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory) Must all the Oompa Loompas really get circumcised?
If you’re not much for reading, you can catch these new films playing in a theatre (or synagogue) near you: The Hand that Rocks the Dreidel, Mensches in Black, Jurrasic Parve, Lilo & Shtick, There’s Something About Moses, The Zion King, Cohen The Barbarian, Shpilkes in Seattle, Schmutzie (Tootzie), Beauty & the Brisket and Honey I Shrunk The Knishes!
Stephanie D. Lewis is a regular contributor for the Huffington Post and her humor blog can be found online at thequotegal.wordpress.com. Her book, “Lullabies & Alibis” is available on Amazon.