By Stephanie Lewis
Passover is profound, meaningful, significant, and fantastically sublime, But does that mean we can’t have a little fun in this column with rhyme!
Before you decide whose house to have Seder or purchase cutsie Plague kits you have to commit to your Kosher brand — will it be Streits or Manischewitz ?
Somebody suggests “Operation Zero Chametz” as a goal, but what’s the meaning?
With vacuuming, scrubbing, sweeping, selling bread — this isn’t just spring-cleaning! And changing TV channels, looking for that movie, when we should just invest in… A DVD of The 10 Commandments starring that distinguished actor, Charlton Heston.
Decorating the table with props and symbolic foods takes an hour to set the stage. And then we all read from different haggadahs so nobody’s ever on the same page!
The smells of soup, gefilte fish, brisket, and macaroons permeating our noses, I don’t think they had all that food (plus horseradish!) back in the time of Moses!
Amazing feats abounded then — like the burning bush and parting of the sea so red but around my house, it’s a true miracle if someone wakes up and makes their bed. Matzos everywhere — in soup, in chocolate, as a sandwich, and in scrambled eggs. I don’t know about you, but I vote it should be nominated for one of the ten plagues.
Dayenu is sung loudly (and with gusto!) until the embarrassing 2nd and 3rd verse Oy. “It IS enough!” Next time I insist my family arrive early so we can rehearse!
And those four questions which are supposed to be asked by the youngest child. One of the questions should be, “Can’t his mother stop him from behaving so wild?”
And why do I bother cleaning my house for company when it just gets destroyed? Every afikoman searcher tears apart drawers and cabinets like detectives employed!
Each year we put out Elijah’s cup and open the door as we sing and patiently wait. My theory is he’d put in an appearance if there were better desserts on his plate!
For all I’ve jested here, and my complaining (because I like to whine and kvetch!) The week of Pesach is my favorite time of year, especially when it’s the homestretch!
Stephanie D. Lewis writes comedy for the Huffington Post and pens a humor column called Once Upon Your Prime online. She’s the mother of six so planning Passover exhausts her, but she wouldn’t have it any other way!