March 2017

Mazel & Mishagoss

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By Stephanie Lewis

 

Brush up on the following new Purim vocabulary, as there could be a poppy quiz!

 

A Filler Thriller (noun) Someone who takes great pride experimenting with new flavors inside their hamantaschen. Nutella anyone? “She makes a killing by chilling her thrilling filling!” A very “fulfilling” profession.

 

Fastivus For the Rest Of Us! (exclamation) Seinfeldian phrase used to justify why some Jews needn’t participate in the important Fast of Esther, citing prior starvation on Yom Kippur.

 

Esther Investor Impresser Dress Her (verb) One who shells out lots of dough (but not for hamantaschen) on an authentic regal costume so their daughter will win the Purim Carnival Contest. The antithesis of…

 

Esther Protestor (verb) Vehemently opposing the notion that a female’s only option on Purim is to be the Queen. Warning: Can lead to the following…

 

CrownGownLetDown (noun) Serious syndrome with symptoms regularly striking young girls who look forward all year to wearing frills and jewels, only to realize they are the daughter of a Woman Libber.

 

Mollifying Mordechai-ing Modifying (verb) The act of placating anyone who changes his or her mind and states this hero was actually Esther’s Uncle when you’re quite certain he was her cousin. Or vice-versa. Note: It’s never okay to Mordechai Mortify someone for his or her ignorance.

 

PPP (Acronym for Purim Punim Prerogative) The guaranteed right to decline to have your face painted at a Purim Carnival.

 

Shpiel Appeal (adjective) A flair for comedy or drama. “Hey, he has real shpiel appeal – let’s cast him in this year’s Purim Play!”

 

Grogger Hogger (proper noun) When you show up for the Megillah reading and all that’s left are some measly New Year’s Eve hornblowers, you can blame the Grogger Hogger!

 

MegillahDrilla (noun) “Alright now, you know the MegillahDrilla,” the Rabbi says as congregants file into shul to listen to the reading of the five scrolls.

 

BoooooBallyhoo! (noun) The cacophony of sound when children’s booing at the mention of Haman reaches Tylenol crescendo.

 

MMM (acronym for Mishmash Mishloach Manot) The current trend to put a hodge podge of elaborate non-food items in these gift baskets we bestow on the Jewish community. Someone once found a pony in theirs!

 

EstherNOTEaster! (exclamation) When non-Jews see the above little baskets of treats, they make faulty assumptions about bunnies and cellophane grass. This phrase quickly sets them straight!

 

Masquerade Parade Charade (verb) Marching enthusiastically around in all sorts of Purim get-ups so you can prove to your child this is a perfect substitute for Halloween.

 

Pockets and Ears and Hats…Oh My! (childhood chant) A fun way to teach children the theories of why hamantaschen are a three-point triangle shape. Do you know which one is correct?

 

Charity Clarity Care-ity (adverb) One who has a clear vision that donating to the poor is extremely important on Purim.

 

Stephanie D. Lewis is a regular comedy writer for The Huffington Post and has a humor blog, OnceUponYourPrime. Follow her @missmenopause.

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