By By Cantor Cheri Weiss
We have entered the Hebrew month of Elul, the time in which we traditionally commit to making our personal Cheshbon Hanefesh (accounting of the soul) prior to the High Holy Days. Reflecting honestly with ourselves about who we are, our successes, and particularly our shortcomings during this past year, is not an easy task. It is easy to attribute our negative behaviors to all sorts of excuses, such as:
“I’m tired, stressed, and overworked.”
“Life with my spouse has been difficult.”
“My kids don’t help with anything around the house.”
“I haven’t been feeling too well.”
Or you may convince yourself that there are other rationalization(s) for not behaving your best toward others in the past year.
While some or all of these reasons may be actually be true, that does not excuse us for treating people—all people—with less than the respect that they deserve. Everyone—regardless of their position in our household or in the community—deserves to be treated with dignity, compassion, and kindness. It is not up to God to forgive sins that we commit against our fellow human beings. It is up to us.
According to Jewish tradition, during this month of Elul as we approach the Jewish New Year, each of us is obligated to personally make amends with and request forgiveness from those we have in some capacity hurt. By the same token, if someone looks into his/her/their heart and sincerely asks for forgiveness from us, we must ask ourselves whether or not we are prepared to let go of the hurt and the anger that has been inflicted upon us and say, “Yes, I forgive you.”
The Torah teaches us that if a person is sincere in repentance (“teshuva”), we are obligated to accept their apology. It is explicitly stated in the section known as the Holiness Code, “Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against anyone among your people, but love your neighbor as yourself.” (Leviticus 19:18)
Yet sometimes forgiving others who have harmed us is just not possible. Some transgressions are so egregious that they cannot be forgiven, at least not at this point in our lives. In such cases, where does that leave us?
Rabbi David Evan Markus explained in Moment Magazine: “But ‘forgiveness’ isn’t absolution. We can ‘forgive’ even if someone doesn’t deserve it—because we ourselves deserve the peace that can come by releasing pain and grudges. That’s forgiveness. It doesn’t absolve wrongs or withhold justice but helps us live resiliently amid brokenness. It’s among our most powerful spiritual tools—and sometimes difficult to use.”
As we move through this month of Elul, let us wish each other peace and strength as we work toward reconciling with those we have hurt or who have hurt us over the course of the past year. This challenge is essential if we are to engage in an honest accounting of our souls. May the Holy One bless and support our efforts in this sacred interpersonal and spiritual task.
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