By By Rabbi-Cantor Cheri Weiss
“We need folks on Zoom for Kaddish,” read the anxious text message on WhatsApp. “Can
anyone hop on?” The writer was part of a weekday online minyan I attend occasionally,
sometimes as participant, other times as prayer leader. I had just finished a Zoom lesson with a
student preparing for his Bar Mitzvah when I saw the urgent message.
“Coming,” I replied immediately, then logged on. I was the tenth person in the Zoom room. This meant there was now a minyan (quorum) of ten Jewish adults present, and the Mourner’s Kaddish could be recited. This memorial prayer is said after the passing of a loved one and on the Hebrew calendar anniversary of that person’s passing, known as their yahrzeit. Experience has shown me that even those with limited knowledge of Jewish prayer find comfort in reciting the Mourner’s Kaddish for a loved one.
Years ago, I was troubled by the requirement that a minyan be present in order for Kaddish to be recited. Based on the Torah verse “And I shall be sanctified amidst the children of Israel” (Leviticus 22:32), the rabbis determined that a public declaration of God’s holiness had to be done in community, with ten adults (over Bar/Bat Mitzvah age) being the minimum requirement.
To me at the time, that requirement seemed unfair to the individual mourner.
At some point, however, I had a change of heart. The purpose of requiring a minyan, I realized, was not to deny a mourner the opportunity to recite the prayer; rather, it was to obligate the community to “show up” for others, providing support and comfort to those in need. While
grieving for a loved one is at its most intense in the immediate aftermath of death, remembering them on their yahrzeit—even years later—can leave a person feeling vulnerable and distressed. Being in the presence of community may provide the bereaved strength to get through these difficult moments.
The Talmud states: “Kol Yisrael arevim zeh bazeh” (“All Israel is responsible for one another”—Shevuot 39a). Jewish law offers us many specific ways to fulfill our communal obligation to help ensure each other’s well-being. For example, Bikur Cholim (visiting the sick) is a fundamental mitzvah (commandment). Providing food (e.g. cooking, shopping, participating in a meal train), running errands, walking pets, and offering healing prayers are some of the ways we can show kindness to someone who is ill or incapacitated.
Giving tzedakah to those in need is another essential obligation in Judaism. We are required not only to give charitable financial donations, but to volunteer our time and talents to those who may need help. Many worthy organizations could benefit from our assistance. Some examples are: Jewish Family Service of San Diego (jfssd.org), the hunger relief organization Mazon (mazon.org), and for animals, the San Diego Humane Society (sdhumane.org) or any animal rescue organization.
All of my Bar/Bat Mitzvah students are required to perform a mitzvah project of their choosing. It could be collecting personal hygiene products for the unhoused, raising money for a local food bank, or spending time with the elderly in nursing facilities. It is wonderful to see how creative and passionate these young people are about showing up for others, which hopefully sets them up for a lifetime of service and compassion.
May we all take the time and effort to show up for others, whenever and however we can.
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