Mazel & Mishagoss

By Stephanie Lewis

This Passover we’ve invited a non-Jewish family to our Seder table to share our culture and traditions. Obsessed with The Wizard of Oz, they’ve politely requested (for the children’s sake, of course!) that we compare Pesach to their favorite movie so they’ll better appreciate our customs.

Uh oh! I don’t think we’re in Egypt anymore! But hey, why not? Dorothy was kinda like Moses in that she led her people (The Tin Man, Scarecrow, and Lion) through a path to freedom on what might’ve been a road paved with crispy boards of Matzo instead of yellow bricks.

The Wicked Witch was kinda like Pharaoh, torturing and inflicting pain on everyone – even her own slaves, those Flying Monkeys. And we’ll make the Munchkins Jewish (by calling them Menschkins!) and the little dog Toto, too. (AKA “Todah” which of course means “thank you” in Hebrew.)

Later on in Emerald City, the significant parting of that curtain (pay no attention to that man behind it!) exposed the Wizard to be weak and small, incapable of great feats; contrasted to the meaningful parting of the Red Sea, which revealed the giant and powerful miracle of G-d.

But I also think family holidays benefit from music, so in addition to Dayenu and Go Down Moses we’ll sing the following songs:

Sung Like Scarecrow to the Tune of “If I Only Had a Brain!”

There was this brand new Pharaoh,

Had us all over a barrel,

And always gave us flack,

Now from bread we must abstain,

But you won’t hear us complain,

Boiled eggs make a nice snack.

And the pyramids were built . . .

So to heck with Jewish guilt,

If we only had some grain!

Sung Like Glinda to the Tune of “Come Out, Come Out!”

Pull him out, pull him out, whoever you are,

And see the new baby become a Jewish star.

He floated so far, glided half of a mile,

Meet the special young boy who came from the Nile!

He drifted in that river, it flowed very fast,

Later on in his role, Charlton Heston will be cast.

Sung like Menschkins to the Tune of “The Lollipop Guild”

We represent the Matzo Ball League, the Matzo Ball League!

And in the name of the Matzo Ball League . . .

We forbid you to eat Chometz for 8 more days!

Sung like Dorothy to the Tune of “Somewhere Over The Rainbow”

Somewhere out of the desert, way up high,

There’s a land that I’ve heard of, up on Mt. Sinai.

Somewhere, out of Mitzrayim,

A flaming bush will burn.

And through those Ten Commandments,

Many idol worshippers will one day learn.

Now if happy little children can find

The afikomen hidden in the venetian blind . . .

Why, oh why can’t I ???

Okay, okay, I guess there’s only one thing left to cover: the scary ten plagues. And we can start by chanting three of them, “Locusts and Boils and Hail, Oy Vey!”

Stephanie D. Lewis is a regular writer for the comedy section on The Huffington Post. View more of her humor on OnceUponYourPrime.com and follow her @missmenopause.