By By Stephanie Gittleman
You may think our logic is slightly flawed,
We’re “Know-It-Alls” but can’t compare to G-D.
Our kids wear sweaters when we’re the ones who’re cold.
Good luck sneaking into our kitchens, unless we’re in blindfold.
And we must find out your news—how else can we kvell?
You may admonish, “Mind your own business” but that won’t go over well!
It’s not enough to know the outer you, we want your internals.
That’s why it’s okay for us to snoop thru your diaries and journals!
But we’ll keep your deep, dark secrets—nothing’ll cross our lips.
Until someone calls us ‘Yente,’ then we’ll morph into town gossips!
We’re extra polite, saying please and thank-you quite often,
So you won’t refuse our demands, in fact we hope you’ll soften.
Potluck Break-The-Fast? We’ll bring our famous brisket and assign you plain kugel.
Not to be outclassed! As we walk in, the shofar announces us like a bugle!
‘Micromanaging’ is such a vulgar term, we’d never EVER do it!
Yet our “helpful hint” gets taken the wrong way, family and friends misconstrue it.
So if we can’t manipulate the world at large, or even our mate’s lives,
At least we’ll stay in charge (of our kid’s health!) they’ll never get hives!
Oy! That last line was silly, but controlling mothers are stubborn,
Even writing poetry, our ridiculous rhymes we must govern!
There’s one more thing we’re planning to subtly orchestrate,
Bestowing a new name on us—one that promotes a euphoric state!
Cuz calling us ‘CONTROL FREAKS’ is rather harsh, ugly, and bleak.
How about saying we have special powers and a charming technique?
So from now on ‘Universal Supervisor’ will become our new term.
Can we all just agree on this? Simply nod your head to affirm!
Future conversations will contain lotsa “shoulds” and “oughts.”
Please do exactly as we say … or find us a chair when we plotz!
Now before I end, I’m not beyond using guilt to apply some pressure.
Write to L’CHAIM and tell them to pay me more, cuz I’m such a treasure!
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