Mazel & Mishagoss

A Sukkah Crooka – Noun. Any individual who makes a living selling Build-It-Yourself sukkah kits when everyone knows you really CAN build it yourself … without their expensive kit!

 

Sukkah Sucker – Adjective. One who buys the above kit.

 

A Sukkah Cookah Bookah — Noun. Tried and true recipes for eating outdoors under your … you guessed it!

 

Sukkatash — Noun. My bad idea to include in the above recipe book! It’s the name for a dish we could serve that would symbolize transitioning from the period of casting away our sins (hence the ending syllable “Tash” from Tashlich) on through Sukkot. (Alright, alright, I said it was a BAD idea. Sheesh, “suffering succotash” ok?)

 

SkipToMyLulav — Verb. Giggles abound as every Jewish preschool successfully implements this cute parody of that old familiar childhood song around this time of year – while every parent has no luck singing it at home.

 

Etrog-ade Stands — Noun. Enterprising Jewish kids set this little booth up in front of synagogues (instead of plain old lemonade stands) on hot and thirsty days.

 

I Lulav You! Exclamation. 1. Endearing pun Jewish mothers make when tucking children into bed at night during this festival 2. Many rip-off tee-shirt imprinters have inadvertently stolen this clever phrase, conveniently mistaking the copyright symbol for a Star of David.

 

Waiver/Waver — Verb. The act of signing a legal release of responsibility for any injury that may ensue from waving the lulav a bit too enthusiastically in synagogue.

 

Gobble Gobblygook! — Exclamation. Something Jews say to gentiles when they ask “So, where’s your turkey??” Because this holiday is supposedly our version of Thanksgiving. This alliterative expression can be effectively spoken under your breath as an alternative to simply calling the gentile a turkey.

 

Direction Dissection Dejection. — Noun. An embarrassing emotion which all reformed Jews feel when sheepishly inquiring of their Rabbi, “What’s the correct way to wave and shake this thing?” (But seriously, is it north, south, east, or west?)

 

Yenta Renta Tenta — Proper Noun. Any woman giving unsolicited advice to her husband on the correct way to build a sukkah, causing him to think of leasing one instead.

 

Dwelling Kvelling — Verb. Boasting about your awesome looking sukkah to your unsuspecting neighbors who didn’t even know there was a competition this time of year.

 

Hut Butt — Adjective. What happens to your aching bottom after sleeping overnight on the ground in a sukkah.

 

Debatable Inflatable — Verb. The act of two Rabbis quarrelling over whether the blow-up version of a sukkah is considered kosher.

 

The Elvis Etrog — Proper Noun. The name of a famous dance, which accompanies Presley’s well-known song, “All Shook Up.” (Alright I confess, it’s not famous. Just another bad idea from Yours Truly. So, sue me!)

 

Etrog Estrogen — Noun. Cheap hormonal supplements prescribed during Sukkot that some menopausal women really regret taking.

 

Stephanie D. Lewis continues to write comedy for The Huffington Post as well as penning her own humor blog at OnceUponYourPrime.com

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