Which of These 16 Potluck Party Personalities Are You?
The holidays have officially descended upon us and that means the arrival of “The Potluck Party!” Whether it’s held at the office, school, or synagogue, you’ll likely encounter some variation of the following personas:
Potluck Prepper: Annoys busy hostess by opening her crowded refrigerator to find the mayo and moans, “Oy Vey, how do you function in here?” Thinks nothing of using the oven, blender, waffle iron, toaster, and complains there’s no electric can-opener — all while barricading an entire counter with different toppings she needs to assemble her mieskeit lettuce wraps.
Potluck Planters Peanut-er: We get it – – you work, have kids, didn’t sleep, were sick all week, and couldn’t schlep to the market so the can of Planter’s Peanuts is your fallback. But people with nut allergies aren’t digging it. Switch to beef jerky.
Potluck Patenter: Owns the original copyright, trademark, and patent for chopped liver. And thusly, (in the name of all kosher chickens) will wage a strategic war of subterfuge if you dare bring this same dish. Will either: a) rearrange platters so yours is in the back row. b) start a rumor you left out the onions. c) hijack your rye bread.
Potluck Pity-Partier: Mopes around the entire night kvetching, “Nobody even touched my kugel.”
Potluck Preliminary Packager: Worried there won’t be leftovers, she prematurely wraps up half her brisket boasting, “It’s Hershel’s favorite, but he couldn’t come because they’re making him a partner. My great big macher.” The jig is up- – the doggy-bag is for her!
Potluck Plastic-er: Can’t be bothered to transfer the contents from the tacky carton it originally came in.
Potluck Price Preserver: Eager to show off what she spent on gourmet rugelach, the expensive tag is highlighted in yellow pen and featured front and center. Or the opposite! Mortified over the stubborn red clearance sticker, she douses it with soy sauce.
Potluck PickerOuter: Brings knishes from local deli, but realizes there’s mushrooms in the sauce. For twenty minutes, she’s sifting out every last ghastly fungus, never thinking other guests might actually enjoy those disgusting, rubbery toadstools.**
Potluck Prader: A whole megillah is made setting down her entrée, often simulating a drum-roll while kvelling, “The mac n’ cheese has arrived!”
Potluck Puny Portioner: Raised by a gentile mother who food rationed and brings a dinky cheesecake even though 42 guests RSVP’d. Throughout the evening, emphasizes how RICH their dessert is, thus justifying those paper-thin slices.
Potluck Plotzer: The concept of collaborative food panics them so much (What should they bring? OMG!) they’ll cancel with a mother-in-law emergency. The mother-in-law has bunions.
Potluck Paprika-er: A philosophical belief that everything from matzo balls to chocolate babka looks better with orangish/rust colored sprinkles on top.
Potluck Putrid Prankster: Stays up nights thinking of a dish they can bring that will emit the foulest odor. It WILL contain limburger cheese.
Potluck Punctuality Person (NOT!): Signs up bringing an appetizer, swears they’ll be prompt, but arrives on Jewish Standard Time when desserts are served.
Potluck Papergooder: First to sign-up, but always chooses plates, cups, or utensils, then expects as much credit as the person who brought and carved the Turkey!
Potluck Peter Piper Pickled Pepper: “Tongue-Twister” is their name and “burn your mouth off with HOT n’ SPICY” is their game. (Best friends with #13, Potluck Prankster!)
** If you couldn’t tell, the author is #8.
Stephanie Lewis regularly writes for The Huffington Post and OnceUponYourPrime.com